Understanding Why Women Talk The Way They Do

Men say women talk too much. Well, they are right. Even women tell men that are quarrelsome that they “talk like women” (go figure). But women don’t ‘talk too much’ they only ‘talk differently’. Just hang on, more light will be thrown on this later.

If I’m asked, I’ll say that the way women talk has something to do with the societal influence (you know the ‘talk like a woman’ thing?) and hormonal make-up. If you have noticed, a woman has a cycle that she passes through within each month. In a month, a woman completes this cycle by passing through different stages, which ends where it started. Each stage of this cycle brings a different personality in her because of the different dramas played by her hormones – she has the lamb stage, tigress stage, snake stage and the dove stage (please don’t quote me). So, the stage you meet a woman in determines the type of response and reaction you get from her. Just stating this here because a priest just advised a man to know when to balk if her wife brings up the ‘woman’s madness’ in her. So, don’t blame women when they all of a sudden act ‘somehow’ because it technically isn’t their fault.

Whether it is hormone or society, the major thing is that men and women talk differently. These two different genders have been discovered to relay the same message using different languages or varieties of a language – men use more formal language while women stick to informal tone.

Now, I want to give a brief example of this assertion. If you tell a man and a woman (you are close to) that you like their outfits, their responses will be more like this:

Man: Thank you. (end of discussion)

Woman: Wow! Are you serious? Thank you. You just made my day. Are you sure you are not pulling my legs because you did it the other day? This clothe is cheap o, I just bought yesterday from …… (story continues and may even bring on more unrelated stories).

All these stories by the woman don’t make her vain, brainless or talkative, like most men assert, it’s just the way she was programmed. If you cut her short she will think you are insensitive or something; so just allow her to flow because it’s her way of telling you that she appreciates your kind gesture.

Well, below are the characteristics of women’s speech and writing patterns (like some of you must have noticed in mine – lol).

1. Embellishments: Women embellish their expressions; they don’t use plain language. They use lots of idioms, innuendos, similes, ‘codes’ and some imaginative details in their speech and writing. For example, where a man will say “walk fast”, a woman will say “walk like you’re in a hurry”, or “don’t walk like a snail” and things like that. The thing is, women don’t talk plainly. Whatever they tell you isn’t the real message because it is just the surface meaning; look deeper and you will understand what they truly mean (sorry I can’t explain further than this).
2. Use of Adverbs: I read somewhere that people should minimise the use of adverbs in their speeches and writings because it makes them sound unsure. Well, I didn’t blame the writer because he’s a man, and wouldn’t understand why women will say things like “the food was just so, so hot” instead of saying “the food was hot”.
3. Use of Informal Language: I stated this earlier. Women use more of casual expressions than men. I don’t really know, but I think that’s one of the reasons children are closer to their mothers – they make conversations easier. Women are chatty in their discussions because they make greater use of everyday language in speeches and writings. They are more comfortable with ‘unserious’ languages than their male counterparts. Now you understand why most women don’t like discussing business ideas with men unless the man doesn’t sound too technical.
4. Verbosity: Women ‘talk too much’ because they use lots of words to explain a simple phenomenon. A man will go straight to the point and hit the nail on the head but a woman will take her time, beat around the bush and employ all the words employable to explain that concept. This quality makes women better teachers and mentors. It also makes them sound more polite.
5. Endearments: Use of terms of endearment is characteristic of women’s speech. I can’t explain why but it is true. You may notice that even as an adult your mother still calls you ‘nwa m’ (my child), ‘dear’, and other endearing names. If you greet a man he will just answer you back and maybe add a passive “How are you?”; but a woman will embellish the response with endearing terms.
6. Use of Descriptive Language: Women describe rather than prescribe. In prescription, you go straight to the point to tell the person what to do. But in the description, you employ lots of words to paint images in the mind of your listener or reader so that he will understand what needs to be done. I don’t know if this makes sense.
7. Request: Men command (or rather, demand) while women request. If you have tasted both male and female bosses, you will understand. This is the reason a male boss will say “you” while a female one uses “we”.
8. Questions: Yes, women ask lots of questions while talking. It takes other women and men that understand the language of women to know that those aren’t questions, but statements in question forms (you may call it rhetorical questions). So when next a woman asks you if you went for a meeting, don’t just tell her ‘yes’ and wait for more questions. What she’s actually saying is, “tell me what happened at the meeting” or “why you went for the meeting”.
9. Use of Emotive Language: If you leave a woman to handle the affairs of the world alone, she may cause World War III. This is because she has this innate gift of using words to create strong emotions that can cause people to act (positively or negatively) against their wills. So, when next a woman tells you something that ‘scatters your head’, pardon her, na the way she was programmed o. Mind you, every woman has this quality; that you haven’t seen it in the woman around you is because she has not been given the opportunity to use it. The only problem I see here is that this quality prevents most women, if not all, from seeing things objectively. So I think we women need to work seriously here so we can only use this special gift positively.
10. Uncertainty: Women always sound uncertain when they talk. They cover this up sometimes by using hanging sentences and expressions like “I don’t know …”, “I think …”, “it could be …” and so many others that expose them for being less dogmatic. Note that this doesn’t mean that you can impose your own opinion on them; this quality only makes them look submissive when they may not really be so. I think this quality is influenced by the society.

So, next time you talk to a woman, give her speech to write, or a business letter to produce, remember why she sounded the way she did. And women, I believe you have gained a little insight into why you just can’t sound like your male colleagues despite how hard you’ve tried.