Quote from Alex bobby on March 27, 2025, 7:18 AM

The Power of Conversation: How to Change Minds with Open Dialogue

The philosopher Karl Popper once said, "The growth of knowledge depends entirely upon disagreement." While he was referring to science, his insight applies just as well to everyday conversations. When we engage in discussions, particularly on controversial topics, we often hope to persuade others to see things our way. However, our approach to these conversations can make or break our chances of success.

New psychological research suggests that people are more open-minded than we often assume—if we communicate in the right way. By practicing curiosity, sharing personal experiences, and maintaining civility, we can foster meaningful discussions and even change minds.

The Power of Curiosity

Many people enter debates with the assumption that the other person is not interested in learning and simply wants to argue. However, research suggests this assumption is often incorrect.

The Friendship Study, conducted by psychologist Ian MacRae and presented to BBC.com readers, asked 1,912 participants to imagine discussing a controversial issue. They were then asked to predict the intentions of their conversation partner. The results showed that most participants underestimated the other person’s willingness to listen and learn, while overestimating their desire to argue.

This misperception can lead to defensive and combative conversations. However, when we approach discussions with curiosity, we can break this cycle. A study conducted at Stanford University demonstrated the power of a simple question. Participants debated whether their university should introduce new exams. In some cases, their opponent (secretly a researcher) responded with a phrase such as, "I was interested in what you're saying. Can you tell me more about why you think that?" This small addition significantly improved the tone of the discussion and increased openness to alternative viewpoints.

Another study by Guy Itzchakov at the University of Haifa confirmed these findings. He found that when people were asked questions about their views, they were more likely to lower their defences and consider alternative perspectives.

The takeaway? Start your conversations with curiosity. Instead of attacking someone's position, ask them to elaborate. Their willingness to listen will increase when they feel heard.

The Power of Personal Experience

Many believe that facts and logic are the best tools for persuasion. However, research suggests that personal experience is often more influential.

A study by Emily Kubin at the University of North Carolina found that when 251 participants were asked how best to persuade others on issues like same-sex marriage or abortion, 56% prioritised facts, while only 21% chose personal experiences. Yet, when tested in real debates, personal stories commanded more respect and were perceived as more rational than purely factual arguments.

In another study, researchers examined conversations about gun control. Participants who shared personal experiences alongside factual evidence were perceived as more credible and persuasive than those who relied solely on statistics.

This principle also played out in a study of the 2018 U.S. midterm elections, where canvassers spoke with thousands of voters about issues such as immigration. Some canvassers used only statistical arguments, while others combined facts with personal stories. The latter approach resulted in a five-percentage-point shift in attitudes—a remarkable outcome given that these conversations lasted just 11 minutes.

The lesson here is clear: Facts are important, but stories make them powerful. If you want to persuade someone, don’t just cite statistics—explain why the issue matters to you personally.

The Power of Civility

Finally, the way we present our arguments can determine whether someone listens or shuts down.

Jeremy Frimer at the University of Winnipeg and Linda Skitka at the University of Illinois at Chicago found that rudeness and personal attacks are highly ineffective. In fact, they can drive away even those who were beginning to agree with us. They call this the Montagu Principle, inspired by 18th-century aristocrat Lady Mary Wortley Montagu, who observed that "Civility costs nothing and buys everything."

Even when we strongly disagree with someone, respectful dialogue is far more effective than hostility. If we insult our opponents or use extreme language, they are more likely to become defensive and disengaged rather than reconsider their views.

Final Thoughts: A Better Way to Disagree

Changing minds isn’t easy, but it is possible. By showing curiosity, sharing personal experiences, and maintaining civility, we can foster open discussions that encourage reflection and growth.

In a world where conversations are often dominated by conflict, these techniques offer a better way forward—one where disagreement leads to deeper understanding, rather than division. So the next time you find yourself in a heated discussion, remember: the other person may be more open-minded than you think. It’s up to you to create the conditions for meaningful change.