E Naira, Crypto Trading Court Cases, and the Ekekwe Spoof/Parody Election Poll

As ‘nairametrics’ report that Google has dropped the eNaira app from the playstore, I think back to a parody/spoof Nigerian Election poll I created on LinkedIn a week or two ago.

The reason I did the poll was actually a protest post against genuine polls on the same topic that polluted my LinkedIn feed.

When I was a little kid, people didn’t have a lot, but they tried to do what they could for kids. One common gift was a puzzle book that cost only a few pence. Print quality was poor, and on the cover with explosions of stars and garish ‘riot colour’ you would see in big and bold ‘100 PAGES’. At the back said ‘Made in Taiwan’ This was an example of how Taiwan made money long before they had TSMC !

So you would have pages to colour with crayon or pencils, you would have word search, you would have ‘join the dots’, and you would have ‘odd one out’. Odd one out, involved four pictures, from which one picture needed to be chosen because it failed to conform to some quality the other three shared.

So I set my parody poll up like one of the ‘odd one out’ puzzles of my childhood. I used three of the most widely published and established Nigerian politicians in the specific  polls causing annoyance in my feed, and with them, I had to pick an ‘odd one out’

Who will I pick? They have to be someone who is legally electable. They have to be someone who a large portion of the LinkedIn Community in  Nigeria will be aware of and will respect. Sure, I could pick Tony Elumelu or Austin Okere and many other fine Nigerian folk to fill the space, but I don’t know how they will feel about being parachuted into a ruse like this, and I don’t want to offend anybody. One thing Prof. shares with me is this sort of insatiable sense of curiosity for its own sake, so he was my best guess at who would be game for it.

The thing is.. people actually started taking the poll seriously and much debate ensued.  One of the most common points of contention was the choice of the three ‘common’ elements of the parody. There was very little criticism of choice of ‘odd one out’.

And I’m there gnashing teeth and pulling hair out thinking… ‘Why do people have a problem with understanding the meaning of the words… ‘Parody’… ‘Spoof’….  It is a ‘skit’. It is a humorous ‘gibe’.

And someone says.. ‘Peter Obi’ should be there… or ‘Kingsley Moghalu’ should be there… (non exhaustive list).  And I say it’s a parody… and a little later, I get another reply saying.. ‘but I still think that … (complete as required!)

And I feel like saying… ‘Look up the meaning of the word ‘parody’, then think if you still want to add another comment that starts with ‘but’… if so, go back and read the meaning of ‘parody’ again… rince repeat, ad infinitum until you get to the point you feel  you no longer need to start a new comment with ‘but’.

However the post got endless comments and reactions, and 200k views – off the charts for a post from a member with only an 8k network and no ‘airbrushed’ photo of a well appointed young woman.

And then it hit me.. a wound exists here and a scab has just been picked. Maybe I am the one that does not get the point.

A NATION IS GENUINELY UPSET

When all was said and done, the ‘odd one out’ candidate, Ndubuisi Ekekwe, won 50% of the vote, with the nearest other choice, Prof Yemi Osinbajo on 35% and two other career politicians on 7% each.

Now anybody can be thinking, ‘ok, great to have this review, but what has that got to do with eNaira or Crypto?’

Well, while lauding the unexpected success of Ndubuisi Ekekwe in the poll, I wheeled out one of my old stock phrases suited to this scenario:

‘LinkedIn no dey spray Maggi Cube fuh Village’

This is no hail by me for Nestle or bad word for Unilever. Knorr  ranks as boss of Bullion Cube Market in Nigeria many times, but still, Maggi Cube has entered the pidgin lexicon.

While the electricity grid and services have been broken up in Nigeria, and commercial parts have been named and renamed…

Media hails achievements and appointments across the various companies.

But, when it comes to complaining of outages, all over Nigeria the ghost of a long gone entity is raised to take the blame – Yes.. still, voices of Nigerians only allow NEPA to take light!

Elders talk of ‘Quaker Oats’ long gone from their market. Pidgin collect brand fuh lexicon she?

Ndubuisi  Ekekwe knows he has won his ‘LinkedIn Nation’

What has eNaira really won?

Ekekwe’s ‘LinkedIn Nation’ as he calls them, while they cast their vote in a parody Presidential election, they have also cast their vote in  very real ‘value instrument’ by-elections.

Both POW Crypto and POC Crypto parties have gained seats in the by Elections across Nigeria. They have taken Nigerian ‘LinkedIn Nation’

‘eNaira is like one 10 kobo guy like dat, leave village gone Abuja and collect General stars or DIG Police title.’ But when he return village, if is Oba, Igwe or Sultan.. when he is in that hall, to his ruler, he is still that same 10 Kobo that left.

But because of dis his new shakira, Ruler no dey know am

So village all over Naija no dey know am.

So can anybody blame Google play no dey know am?

And some small people wan say oh , take Google to court… fuh weitin? Take ur time-oh. Take ur time!

FIAT, ie. ‘paper’ Naira has been smart.

In this by-election she done spray  Maggi Cube fuh Village already.

Paper Naira has won the by-election of the very local mass markets.

OK.. as Samuel Nwite for Tekeia reports : ‘Crypto Exchange Platform, Luno, Plans to Reintroduce Naira Deposits and Withdrawals’

Though what would be really interesting, would be if Luno members can exchange eNaira with other ‘value instruments’ without a BVN number from a Nigerian commercial bank. This would declare Naira as a globally tradable currency by proxy.

But as Judge Taiwo Taiwo overrules CBN ’s August 17 decision to freeze Crypto Trader bank accounts, that same ‘LinkedIn Nation’ that compose only about 0.8% of Nigeria’s population that have  4G smartphone access, possibly internet@work and possibly able to shop in ‘Modern Trade’ outlets…  will soon be free to engage with the ‘value instrument community’ they ‘voted’ for.

This is the community the eNaira party campaigned to win and failed.

Maybe FGN as a campaign funder should try to fund candidates the electorate actually want rather than pushing ones surplus to requirements.

Getting back to the original parody… Is it likely Ndubuisi Ekekwe would win the 2023 election if he declared? Probably not. But is it possible? Yes.

There is a process flow for the ‘Maggi Cube’ dynamic that starts with, in Ekekwe parlance, a ‘friction’ and ends in a ‘fix’ I know this process flow and. I know the process stations in it. I just have not defined the process instructions in those stations. I will not say more here.

eNaira on the other hand is an ill-conceived child forced on the family by a disconnected father, born of a reluctant mother and won’t be received well by openly aggressive peer siblings. Crypto and traditional FIAT have conspired to end its life directly as it exits the womb.

I’m not a gambling person, but if someone forced me to put a million Naira on which would come first – Prof Ndubuisi Ekekwe as Nigerian President or eNaira establishing itself as a global CBDC, I know the alternative  which offers the best route to challenge Maggi Cube Spray Mentality.

References/Further Reading:

www.tekedia.com/crypto-exchange-platform-luno-plans-to-reintroduce-naira-deposits-and-withdrawals/

nairametrics.com/2021/10/27/breaking-enaira-speed-wallet-app-disappears-from-google-play-store/

news.bitcoin.com/nigerian-judge-rules-in-favor-of-accused-crypto-startup-accounts-to-be-reopened/