Before You Get Married!

The concept of a full housewife should be totally eradicated in Africa. I mean, no lady should go into marriage without having a clear understanding of what to do.

Every time I read about broken homes on the internet. I hear it on the radio and even see it on TV. It really saddens me to see how the young generation has bastardized marriage. There is no respect for the vows that were said at the altar.

I could vividly remember a marriage that lasted a month. Despite all that was spent on the wedding, couples no longer see eye to eye. The only reason the husband gave – ”She is too lazy. All she does is just sit at home and eats. I can’t continue to live with such a lazy person.”

I could understand his pain. Perhaps, the sole responsibility of carrying the whole burden of the home scares him to death. I asked if the wife learned any craft that she could build as a career but he said no.

Really? Hell no! She had no skills. All she could boast of is her first-degree certificate. Of course, I know how important the certificate is, but for a country like Nigeria, it is not enough. Especially when the job is not coming, a graduate could sit for donkey years looking for a job.

If you look at most of the failed marriages that we have, you will discover that the major reason for this common problem is ”finance.”

Lack of finance in the home is mainly the reason why the husband comes home angry. The thought of him paying for rent, home upkeep, children’s education, family and relatives’ needs, can be overwhelming.

Let’s be realistic, I am not against any man being irresponsible. No! Far from it. But if we must tell ourselves the bitter truth, then we must definitely agree that a woman who doesn’t have a job or skills, is not good for marriage. The bills are too much for a man who had spent almost everything he saved on wedding.

It might have worked for our grandparents in the past, but I doubt if it will work now. We are in a jet world. Everything has changed. We are in a world where multiple streams of income are needed to run a home smoothly. So if you ask me, I will advise all the ladies to go into a marriage like a complementing partner.

But honestly, some ladies are not there yet. They do not even have a clear path to follow. No wonder they get treated badly in marriage. Shame on the man who does that though, we must educate our women to stop future occurrence of this barbaric act.

I read a response on one of my articles titled, ”You must get married syndrome”. I wrote about the desperation to go into marriage. Here’s what a reader, Goodness Somtochukwu shared with me: ”Unfortunately, even some girls have adopted this mindset of getting married early even without a job or skill set.

”My 18-year-old friend was telling me the other day that once she’s done with school, she will get married. Time waits for no man. What will she be doing single?

”I was like really?
Like, she’s got no dreams to pursue.
She told me that what’s the need when she will marry a rich husband and will just have to give birth to kids and cook.

”Got me shocked.

”I always tell them that a man should be the icing on the cake for you and not the main cake. The same way some rush into marriage, that’s the same way they rush out.”

Any lady that goes into marriage with this type of mindset may never go far. It is really the wrong mindset anyone can have.

I made research from different homes. Couples who fight are mostly the ones who don’t have jobs. Being without a job makes them bitter and sad at everything. This tends to trigger their temper against any form of offence.

But for how long do we have to live like this? Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. A lady is supposed to be a helpmate and not a liability.

Therefore, dear single ladies, take your time to grow career-wise. Do not rush into any marriage. Be sure you have a clear path you want to follow. Develop a skill set that can enhance you while you are searching for a job.

A man should be the icing on the cake and not the cake itself.